she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
