He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
