Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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