Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
