..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
