There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she told me i tasted like america
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
