There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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