its not stalking. its research.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize