Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
