In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
