i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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