if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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