My friends, they love my intelligence
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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