I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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