Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
