He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
