I can text with my tongue
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
