Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
