this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
