i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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