Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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