Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
