guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
