My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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