Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
