Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
