i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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