I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
