I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
