I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
