U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize