i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
