She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Who died my cat blue again?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
