I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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