she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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