I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
