And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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