After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
