Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
