i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude. I can hear the air.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
