Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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