Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
