She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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