Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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