I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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