this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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