How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
