If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
