the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize