You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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