I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
