Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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