she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
