I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
