she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
