he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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