i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He? As in you personified your dick?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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