The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I look better un-naked...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
