Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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