So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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