You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
