Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i believe in u and ur pee
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
