can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
