Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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