gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
